The Death of PeachAngry Mario
by frajfraj
Summary: Peach is dead...Bowser is responsible...Mario is pissed...a little gratuitous if youre not one for the gore.
1. The Rampage Begins

Mario looked down at his suprisingly bland brown shoes and frowned, his rather comical eyebrows and other facial features now taking a serious look. Not just regular serious though, like when he would fight Bowser every few times a year for the past twenty years, but mad like he was going to do something a little more lethal than kick a shell at him or throw him off the edge of a mountain. You could tell Mario had the intent to kill, a sentence I find hilarious. He stood up, looked all around him at the castle, and saw the Toads lamenting over Princess Peach's death. Mario really should have been sad, wailing his pixelated head off, like the other single minded, poorly animated Toads. But he was just angry. He thought of how much he's like the just shoot Bowser, to go all out on him with a shotgun or something, but how he couldn't because of ratings and standards. He shuffled slowly across the red carpet in the castle. A little toad slowly walked up to him with a tear in his eye. "Mister Mario I...", but he was interrupted by a strong uppercut to the face, and blood flew through the air from his stupid Toad face. He landed hard on the ground, in shock and pain. "Screwa thisa!" Mario shouted. He then disappeared into a room that nobody ever really noticed in the castle. The toads all glanced at each other, quite confused, saying the same things over and over again, as non-important video game characters often do. Two minutes later, the door burst down, and out strode Mario, knives at his sides, a shotgun across his back, and pistols in his hands. Yeah, he looked fairly pissed.

Another little Toad, (they really don't learn...AI in Mario games isn't great.), walked over to Mario to question his behavior. Of course, before he even uttered his first word which would of course appear above his head in text, Mario drew a knife, slashed through the speech bubble, and planted the knife into the litttle Toad's head...mushroom...whatever those are. Greenish blood spurted up from the puncture, and the letters "AAH" appeared in speech bubbles all across the room. The little toad writhed in pain on the floor, blood and that strange green stuff shooting from his head like a fire hose, as his body slowly shriveled up. Maybe Mario though "So that's what happens when you stab one" but nobody really knows, because Mario doesn't have though bubbles. Shortly after the first Toad killing, Mario strode out of the castle, violently flinging open the door. He might have thought something like "I am now to the last point of my tolerance with Bowser, since he ended the life of dear Princess Peach, and now I shall take his life and the life of anyone I like in return.". But nobody really knows...once again, Mario has no though bubbles.

Cracking his gloced knuckles, Mario stomped down the road, headed for the Warp Pipe that would lead him to Bowser's castle, which was underground, and on the other side of Toad Town. The little Toads smiled at Mario nice and friendly, not seeming to notice the change in...erm...artillery. Tayce T. walked up the street, kitchen spoon in hand, to tell Mario of a wonderful mew cake she had...BAM! BAM! BAM! Tayce T. laid on the ground twitching as the fluid drained from her head. Two little Toads began dancing around Mario, happily chanting a song about his heroic...BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!...BAM!...BAM! There were two less children in Toad town, and about six gallons more slimy Toad gunk on the street. Relentlessly, Toad after Toad approched Mario as his pace quickened, wanting to get to the freaking warp pipe. BAM! One toad full of shrapnel, BAM! One toad with a bullet hole in it's forhead, SLICE! One toad without a head. It pretty much carried on like this for a while, Mario's shoes and overalls now decorated with splatters of sticky Toad blood. Soon enough, Mario reached the Warp pipe, and as he was about to jump in, the Koopa Bros. popped out, those five moronic ninjas he had beaten before. His face grew red with anger as he took the shotgun off of the harness on his back. He cocked it, and aimed. The Koopa Bros. didn't have thought bubble either, but perhaps they were thinking "Oh crap."


	2. Arriving at Bowser's Castle

Mario raised the shotgun to firing position. Red, BLAM! Red. Black, BLAM! Red. Green, BLAM! Red. Yellow, BLAM! Red. All four of the Koopa Bros. lay on the ground, spinning in agony as blood gushed from multiple bullet wounds. "AAACK! OH GOD! OH SWEET GOD! AAAAAGH! AAAAGH!", the Black Koopa continued screaming in extreme pain, pints of blood gushing from his beaklike mouth. Mario probably thought "Shut up!" and stomped the black Koopa's face. There was a crunch and a splat, and it stopped moving. Mario was now nearly ankle deep in hot Koopa blood, but he really didn't give a damn. He waded through the pixelated corpses and headed toward the warp pipe. He jumped on top of it with his superior jumping skill, and tucked the shotgun away. He then pressed the down button...er...I mean...he um...well he disappeared down the warp pipe somehow, and began making the curving slidelike journey to Bowser's castle. What, you thought they literally just warped you there? No, it's like, a ten minute ride from Toad Town to Bowser's castle. And really, the Warp Pipes aren't so sanitary...everyone vomits in them. That's why I take a car.

After a long series of loops, inclines and declines, and corkscrews (I have no idea how you slide up and incline), Mario popped out the other end, feeling rather dizzy and sick. He took off his hat and fanned himself with it. He might have been thinking to himself that he wasn't throw up but um...yeah you know. In a daze he rested against a stone wall, and sat down. His face steadily started to turn green. He fell back, knocking his head against the wall, and was knocked out cold, a streak of blood left on the stone. I am rather surprised, I figured Mario didn't have blood. And who knew Toads had steamy pus in their mushrooms? I didn't.

Back in Toad Town, Tayce T. was being rushed to the emergency room, followed by three little Toads, crying their eyes out. "No! Tayce T.! Are you going to make it?" They stood beside the ambulance as it left, tears in their eyes, not knowing what was to become of the grandmother figure of Toad Town. Oh, how she had baked them cookies and fixed them lemonade, her hoppitality always comforting. Another little Toad walked up beside them and stood there in silence. He coughed. "I hope Tayce T. is dead. I really hate her."

Back at Boswer's castle...okay...Mario was still asleep.

Toad Town had been thrown into a state of chaos. Several Toads were dead, young ones were poking the Koopa Bros. bodies with sticks, and there were pigs everywhere! About the pigs; it's a long story. Let's check on Mario.

Oh! Okay. Mario awoke, and rubbed his eyes with his blood stained gloves. He looked at his watch, which he quickly realized didn't exist. A little blue bird landed on his shoulder. All the grass and flowers looked so peaceful, even here at Bowser's castle. Another little bird landed on Mario's outstretched glove. It was so delicate and small, just a perfect example of peaceful life. The nicest thing you could ever CRUNCH! Mario crushed the bird in his fist, and the crazy homicidal look came over his face again. He rubbed the smushed bird off of his glove, and it landed with a sickening thud on the ground. The other bird was hovering next to him. Mario briskly unbuttoned his lowermost overalls pocket, withdrew an apparently very used knife and flicked it, with amazing skill, right into the bird's midsection. The knife went through the bird, and jabbed into the nearest stone wall. The bird let out its last pathetic chirps as Mario withdrew the knife. Even I find that rather gruesome.

Mario buttoned back his pocket, pulled his twin pistols from out of nowhere, as is so commonplace in video games, and walked toward Bowser's castle. If this was a flash cartoon, I would probably show seperate close-ups of his feet stomping along the way to Bowser's castle, and maybe play some generic anger music, but eh, it's not.

Inside the castle, Kammy Koopa stared out the window with binoculars, watching the Pirhana Plants snap at each other. There was something sexy about Pirhana Plants that she couldn't put her finger on. (I bet it will take several hours and bottles of draft beer to forget about that.) As she continued to gaze at them dreamily, she spotted Mario approaching them, pistols withdrawn, and shooting, bits of Pirhana Plant flying through the air, dark greenish blood showered in every direction. Just then Bowser entered the room, his usual slightly angry expression present. "Whaaaat? Do I here gunfire? Because we only agreed to allow guns in flash files, and I don't want another lawsuit like from that Paper Mario uncut you know where Peach..." "No, it's a story. On fan fiction. We're safe!", replied Kammy Koopa. "Oh good..." said Bowser in a troubled tone. There was a moment of silence. "Mario is destroying my precious,...I mean, Mario is invading the castle, and he has firearms!", Kammy Koopa cried out loudly, which startled Bowser wuite a bit. He thought he was entitled to at least thirteen more seconds of awkward silence. But now wasn't the time for that. "Well as you know," began Bowser, as the awful noise of the Pirhana Plant massacre got even louder, (Mario had only a few to go, but he did have some trouble wading through the mass of Pirhana Plant...stuff) Um...Bowser continues speaking now. "Well as you know, I can't just confront Mario now and kill him while he has no chance of leveling up, I have to send wave after wave of gradually stronger enemies to attack him, so that he has a fairly good chance of defeating me when he finally reaches me on the roof of my castle! Bwahahahaha!"

By this time, every one of the viscious Pirhana plants were dead, and it now looked like some sick, twisted garden. Mario, now entirely soaked in blood and whatever that green stuff that comes out of Toads and Pirhana plants is, was out of ammunition for his trusty pistols. He wanted to throw them at something. He spotted another little bird pecking at the ground a few yards away.

There had been a silence in the left tower of Bowser's castle after he had made that evil laugh, or whatever Bowser's laugh qualifies as. Kammy Koopa began to speak, but Boswer hushed her. "Ssh! Four more seconds of awkward silence., Okay?" Kammy Koopa left the room.

TOAD TOWN TIMES OBITUARIES, CASE 17

Tayce T.

(There's a picture of her face here)

Our beloved Tayce T. Died on this fateful day

by several bullet wounds to her head and body,

the murderer being none other than Mario, you

know, that Italian plumber who's saved our lives around

ten thousand times. We will always remember you.

Ironically enough, everyone forgot about her two days later. They hired a much more attractive and young Toad to do most of the cooking.


	3. Way Over the Edge

(This is almost a year and one full literacy level later for me. It may not suck as bad as the past two chapters.)

Our hero, or rather, sadistic maniac as it is in this little anecdote, now stood at the great stone door of Bowser's threatening castle.

He wiped the gooey pirhana plant entrails from his eyeballs. He might have thought something like "Aight, now it's time to straight up KILL a mothafucka", but considering Mario has no thought bubbles, we may never know...still. The short Italian mustered up all his strength and slammed his white fist into the stone door, an action he quickly regretted. A long stream of obscenities poured profusely from his mouth, and he shook his mangled fist in the air. In pure rage he picked up a severed pirhana plant head by the stem, and with his working hand, pounded it again and again on the door. Acidic brain muck sloshed all over the ground and anything within ten feet, but still Mario continued releasing hellish fury on the door.

Kammy Koopa was watching from her 1800-dollar-a-month rented apartment tower in Bowser's castle, weeping into a purple handkercheif. "Noooo! I CANT WATCH IT!!! Bill! Bill!!!" Kammy Koopa dared to look up from her crying and saw Mario, still furiously deforming the pirhana plant...or Bill...with surges of primal fury. How could he desecrate the body of such a fine pirhana plant?

Mainly because I am running out of literary worth, I am going to do a quick little narrative jump.

Kammy Koopa got sick and tired of seeing her love affair venus fly trap being turned into a chunky milkshake that she went down the stairs of her tower apartment and confronted Mario.

Mario was considering giving up. He had counted, three hundred sixty-three times, slamming the head of the god-forsaked thing into the door, and nothing good had come out of it. Frowning, he pulled it over his shoulder again, figuring he could get it to four hundred before he stopped. But just then, the door slid open, sideways, with a great scraping. A wrinkly Koopa head with a pointy hat poked out from behind the door. Mario was quite surprised. "Get out of her, Klu Klux Koopa!" So the little racially insensitive Koopa made his way out.

THEN, Kammy Koopy came to the door, all but foaming at the mouth in rage.

Mario formed an inquisitive look on his cartoonish mug, and was thinking something like "Daaaaaamn sucka', who took a shit on yo girll?"

As if reading his mind, Kammy Koopa pointed a wrinkly old finger a Mario and screamed "You hideously brutalized my baby's daddy!!!"

As is the custom, Mario allowed a good fourteen seconds of awkward silence before running up to the sorceress and implanting a rusty blade into her unrealisticly sized eyeballs. He ground it into her skull, as the blood flowed down her robes and onto his gloves, squirting up in the air like a Kool-Aid fountain. Her hideous, shrill screams reverberated off of the foyer of the castle. Mario coninued working the knife into her skull, flicking it backward and forward, bits of skull and brain and koopa flesh splotching the ground like provocative modern art.

Only more...flesh.

After a good few seconds, Kammy stopped moving, and leaked blood from her enormous head wound-- which encompassed her entire head--, still with the awkward finality of death. Still crazed with a crazy smile, like some mad butcher from hell, Mario licked the knife slowly, delighting as the blood trickled down his throat. Then he proceeded to get on his knees and saw Kammy Koopa's hideously mutilated head off of her body. In a few moments, he succeeded and began feasting upon it.

Well, pretty soon the ToadTown Insane Asylum found him there. Their squat but intellectual forces crouched behind dead pirhana plants and bushes around Bowser's castle. "Jeezus," said one Toad," I've never seen anyone this crazy." Mario noticed, and looked up form his sick snack, looking around with a feral growl behind his moustached lips. "Now!" shouted a Toad behind a bush. Tranquilizers and guns full of multiple strong sedatives poked out from various hiding places and before he could draw his gun, Mario was covered in needles and feeling very sleepy.

He fell on the ground, on top of one of his knives.

Needless to say, it (of course), impaled his body, and he bled to death, never noticing the wound.

TOAD TOWN TIMES OBITUARIES, CASE 34

Mario Lopez

(Theres a picture of Mario's tenth grade yearbook picture here)

Our Beloved Mario Lopez died on this fateful day

by a blade impaling his fat plumbing body,

the murderer being none other than himself,

after going insane on everyone and killing

several innocent creatures.

In memory of Mario, the Toads built a big golden statue of that part in Rocky where he's punching the meat.

But then again that probably had nothing to do with Mario.

Oh well.

Is it over?...Maybe not.

Stay tuned for the next installment of THIS STORY!!


	4. Sort of New Beginnings

All had been calm, and quite happy in the Bowser castle for the longest time. Kammy Koopa was no longer around to bitch and moan about everything Bowser did, and he had replaced her with Catherine Zeta Joness semi-retarded step-cousin, who was much nicer and easier to manipulate. Bowser was living large, and thousands of his little Koopa minions were still all too happy to fan his fat mass as he reclined upon his throne.

But that was the problem.

With no more Mario, Bowser had no enemies. No one in Toad Town was brave enough or strong enough to stand up against the mighty Bowser…or the once mighty Bowser. Now he was a horribly obese excuse for an evil computer generated turtle warrior thing, and he began to realize this as he dug deep into a tub of Ben and Jerrys ice cream one day. "Uh…well…uh…uh….damn. I'm fat. This kind of sucks…" And then he was flung horribly into one of his hideous mood swings. He bawled with such might that the surrounding eight koopas, who were busy manicuring his eight enormous toes, actually died from sound damage, not after suffering horribly, gripping their ugly turtle heads in sheer agony.

"Im nothing without Mario…nothing…." (At this point I would like to inform the reader that my apostrophe and quotation mark key has actually fallen off, so I will be using dashes instead of quotes and forget the apostrophes. They haven't payed their taxes anyway. Oh, except that one. That one was put in automatically by micrsoft word. Watch. Cant. Oh, okay it doesn't do cant. But there it is in doesn't. See? Okay…this has gone way off subject.

-Im nothing without Mario…nothing!!!- Bowser shifted his bulk until he was sitting sort of upright on his throne, but his gargantuan love handles flopped over the sides and suffocated another Koopa who had been fanning him.

-Oh, what am I going to do???-

At that time, a pretty, medium-height figure wearing a pink dress entered the room with a look of bitchy anger smeared across her visage.

-Dammit, Bowser, youre so stupid. Why did you have to tell him I was dead? Really, how did that benefit you? Hes dead and youre bigger than Gusteau from Ratatouille, which I shouldn't even know about since I am a Mario character.-

-Peach?- Bowser seemed kind of shocked. –I thought I killed you!!-

Peach stood in awe of Bowsers stupidity, but then looked away because, eew, you cant really look at that quivering mass of lard for that long. Its not right. –No, you kidnapped me. Like always.-

-Are you sure I didn't kill you?-

-Yeah…Im here, right?-

Bowser frowned….-Well damn.-

There was far more than a fourteen second awkward silence. In fact, this might have been one of the longest awkward silences history, and it easily could have been if Bowser hadn't screamed in pain as the third heart attack of the day overtook him.

After Koopa medics had rushed the scene and given him much attention, he was pronounced dead, and the Koopas from then on were very confused about what to do with themselves and their lives, and, being so used to dependency, they panicked and ran collectively off the nearest cliff and broke their bodies upon dangerous sharp things below. Peach, quite aggravated at the whole series of events, went on to overtake Bowsers castle and make it the Peach Mansion.

She had a new focus on life. It wasn't Mario anymore, because really, secretly, she kind of hated him. Sure, he saved her seven hundred million times, but that's not really that much of a deal. He smelled like mushrooms all the time and he must have been pretty stupid to kill himself on a knife.

But sadly, now Princess peach had nobody. Nothing to do really, except preside over the Toads, who she also hated. They smelled even more like mushrooms and they all looked the same and GOD DAMMIT HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER WHICH IS WHICH??? So now, reclining upon the throne of the castle, having long disposed of Bowsers enormous, stinking corpse, Princess Peach began thiking.

And thinking.

And thinking.

And the more she thought, the more she realized her pure, unadulterated hate for all things existent, good and evil. She furrowed her royal brow, which made her think –Wait a second, how am I even royal? What is this crap? Who were my parents? This is gay.-

And further on through the next days (nothing interesting was happening anywhere else, especially in Toad Town. With no one to come up to them and press A button, the Toads had been veerrry quiet lately.), Princess Peachs heart turned rotten and nasty, and if I was a little more creative and a little bit more stupid, I would probably create some analogy to that groovy song from the Grinch Stole Christmas where its goes Youre a mean one, mister, grinch…….except I just did and now Im off topic.

Anyway, further on and through the next days, the Princess Peachs heart turned rotten and nasty, and she grew more and more dedicated to her hate, until after doing not much more than sitting on the throne she stood up violently and loudly proclaimed –I need a sandwich. I haven't eaten in days!!!-

So she got a sandwich. And after that, she violently slammed her white gloved hand onto some table or piece of furniture she was near…(no, it was a surviving Koopa. She slammed her fist into its head. That needs to happen, not enough violence here), and shouted –Toad Town has been peaceful and stupid long enough, and I am SO #$#$ TIRED OF ALL THIS MOTHER$#)#$ #$# AND #$$# ALL THIS #$#$...

And after some minutes of this hysterical ranting (not sure how your pronounce $)#$), the princess stormed off into the depths of the castle, to do God knows what. For the next many days, the clanking of some sinister machinery could be heard miles from the castle, and sometimes the maniacal shriek of a twenty-four year old maniacal semi-royal female. But nobody really questioned it or anything because Toads are stupid and dull, and um……to be continued.

Gotta love that ending. Mmmmm. Tastes nice.

To be continued…..again…..


	5. Destruction and Light

After 2.67 times ten the to second days, the clanking and laughter stopped. The Toads all stood in their little places, somehow not starving to death, despite not eating anything. (It was about then they realized, oh yeah, were just pixels. Lots of pixels. That kind of ruins the meaning of life for you.) And since before Mario had gone nucking futs, a week or three earlier, it had never been so quiet.

BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. Oink, oink. (All the pigs hadnt cleared out yet, see chapter 1)

BOOM BOOM.

Silence.

BOOOOOM CRASH BOOM.

Over the edge of a tall line of fluffy trees making a delightful little ring around Toad Town, there was the smiling face of Princess Peach, only about eighty-thousand times bigger, and made of steel. The collossus towered over the very highest structure within hundreds of miles, and with every step of her dainty, thirty meter long feet, earthquakes measuring 6.4 on the Richter scale shot up and down the land, creating enormous fissures into which the unsuspecting Toads fell to their death.

A group of little Toadlettes stood together laughing and cheering. SLAM!!! A huge high heel left them in an unrecognizable pulp.

An elderly Toad was making her way out of Hobby Lobby.

SMASH!!! Only her arm was caught under the vicious heel of doom, and she bled to death.

Meanwhile, in the cockpit, two hundred feet above the ground, Peach laughed maniacally.

-WAAAHAHA!!! SEE WHO CAN STAND UP AGAINST SUPER PEACH!!! Wait, I already know! NOBODY!!! Wahahahaha!!!-

But just then, something...peculiar happened. Clunk. Clunk. CLUNK!

Something was pelting the enormous iron sides of the Super Peach, barely denting the sturdy framework, but making quite a raquet.

-DDDAAAAH WHAT THE FUGGIN SHIZZLE FRUGGER???-

Peach turned to see a small Italian man dressed in Green, a fat guy of undetermined nationality with a red nose, wearing yellow, and some tall guy wearing purple or something.

-What is this crap?-

Peach was confused.

But not for long, because soon the distinctive clothing colors were just decorations for the huge mess of mangled flesh, adding to the totally unfair bloodbath.

It was true, no one alive at the time could ever hope to defeat the Super Peach...

And it turns out no one living ever would...(living being the key word.)

AT THE TOAD TOWN CENTER FOR REALLY SECRET SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH

A very intelligent looking Toad was very busy over several tubes and beakers of various chemicals, some bubbling, some steaming, some standing spookily stagnant.

A white gloved hand softly gripped his shoulder, and a worried, sweating face of an attractive female Toad met his glance.

-Dr. Toadenstein, we havent got much time. We predict only minutes before Super Peach has destroyed the entire city...do you have the potion?

Dr. Toadenstein ruffled his imaginary beard and stared at the chemicals with some doubt. -Well,- he began, -Yes, and no. You see, I have the reanimation down. Done, good. But the restoration is the problem. You see, he has been dead for over two weeks, and at this state the corpse would be,...well...

-DAMMIT DOCTOR, we DONT HAVE LONG!! Im begging you, just hand me the potion and...-

CRASH. The high heeled shoe crashed down upon her head, and it was smashed through her body, her organs disintegrating as her skin peeled in all directions like a fresh spring flower, all this happening in less than a quarter of a second.

-I guess I have no choice then!-, said a panicked Dr. Toadenstein, who suddenly thought (wait, I thought we Toads arent supposed to really do anything alone, much less accomplish one of the most amazing scientific breakthroughs the world has ever known), but shrugged it off as he ran toward the Toad Town cemetary.

Finally at the gravestone of the long dead Mario, Toadenstein looked over his shoulder at the destruction in the once quiet city behind him. Then he danced. Then he built a statue of a duck. Then, turning back to the gravestone, with tears in his eyes, he pulled a random shovel out of nowhere and began digging.

It didnt take too long. Pixel dirt doesnt pack that hard.

And there it was. The corpse. (why isnt it in a coffin??)

The worms crawled all through the decayed, oddly shaped skull, the various creatures of the underground had long taken his body.

BLOOOOOOGH. Toadenstein vomitted all over Marios dead body.

BLOOOOOOGGGGH. Again, and Toadenstein was getting sicker by the moment.

RRRBLOOOOOAAARGH!!!! The last one knocked him out, and he fell on top of the corpse, the fluid in the test tube flowing all over the wormy cadaver of Mario.

Twenty minutes later, a decayed hand grabbed the edge of the hole, and from the belly of the grave a cry could be heard...

-Itsa me-a, Mario!-


End file.
